The things groomers hear...

By Anjie Coates, AnimalForum.com staff

You'd be amazed at what some people will tell their groomer. Now if you go to the doctor and you've gained 20 pounds, there is no way you can fool him into thinking you've been working out everyday and live on salad. When you bring in a dog that's matted to the skin, the groomer is not going to buy the fact you brush the dog every single day.

"He's not really overweight, he only weighs 30 pounds." (Mam, he's a Mini Daschund!)

From a person with a bandaged hand, "He doesn't bite hard, he nibbles." When asked what happened to hand the reply was, "Well, this one time he got carried away, but he never bites!" (No comment)

"My dog drools every time he eats or drinks, how I can I make him stop?" When asked what kind of dog, "St. Bernard, why, do they have a genetic disease that makes them drool?" (Nooo, they have a genetic body that makes them drool.)

Every grooming shop I take him to says he bites, but I know he doesn't, so I'll just keep going until I find one that doesn't make him bite. **reaching for leash** Oh well, I mean he'll growl and snarl, but he won't bite. **dog leaping up to bite my hand, decides a leg will do and dives for it** No really, he only nibbles, it's ok. (No...it's not ok if your dog bites me. Fluffy was asked to go somewhere else.)

I went away for the weekend and a friend watched him, we came home and he was like this. (Really...6 months of matting in only 48 hours, amazing!)

"You mean I have to brush my dog?"

"He must have just picked those fleas up on the way into the shop." (Yeah, I can see that, after all 50 fleas jump on me from the car to the door everyday.)

"He's never bitten anyone before, except when they try to cut his nails. Oh did I forget to tell you that? I hope you're going to the doctor."

"What's that on her fur? Is that blood?!" (Yes, it's Anjie's. Your cat bit her when she was bathing her, and we couldn't get all of it off.) "Oh my, didn't my husband tell you she hates water?" (No, he said she loved to be groomed.) "Well, we didn't know you had to get her wet to bathe her."

"Can you bathe my 17-year-old cat?" (Well, I need some information first. When was the last time she was groomed?) "Never, why?" (Is she used to going to different places, and when was the last time she was bathed?) "Oh, well, she goes to the vet every few years, and no, she's never been bathed before." (Ma'am, I'm afraid I think that grooming her now would cause to much stress for a cat at that age. I'm sorry.) "Fine then, I'll find someone who will do it!"

"I'd like to make an appointment for my Golden Retriever. He's matted." (Sure, no problem. How's Tuesday?) "How much?" (Thinking a Golden can't really be too matted, I estimate around $40) "Great! See you then." (Tuesday comes, and in walks a full grown Chow-Chow. Ma'am, can I help you?) "Yes, I made an appointment for my Golden." (Ma'am, that's a Chow-Chow. Chows start at $60 because of the thickness of the coat. I'm sorry there was some confusion.) "What? Well I'm not grooming him here! I'll go somewhere they know their breeds!"

"I'd like to make an appointment for my wolf hybrid." (After much discussion and a return phone call, we decided to take him since he'd been groomed his whole life, according to the owner. The day of the appointment, the woman walks in, hands us the check for $50 and the leash, and leaves. Upon looking over the counter, we are greeted by the sweetest 11-inch Beagle. When she returns for "Wolfie," we handed her $25 change.) "Oh no! You're the only shop around that will groom a wolf hybrid! You earned every penny."