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elianna
07-08-2009, 06:08 AM
There were 3 guys walking in the woods and they came across this huge hole in the path.

The 1st guy says "Lets throw some rocks in the hole and see how deep it is." So thats what they did only they didn't hear it hit bottom.

So the 2nd guy says "I saw a log back there lets get that and throw that in." So thats what they did.

Then this old farmer comes walking up and says "Have you seen my goat go by here?"

The 3rd guy replies "We saw one jump down in that hole."

The farmer replies "That couldn't have been my goat. He was tied to a log."

DT6011
06-28-2010, 08:04 AM
A very insulting parrot

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."

She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.

"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"

The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."

So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.

Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold.

She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!"

The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply sorry."

Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger.

The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes.

When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd he do, attack you?"

ccarltonn45
07-21-2010, 12:58 AM
When given an object, goats will often attempt to eat it. As goats can climb, you may find them in some unusual places. Often the fainting goats are considered the funniest of goats, because when they are startled or excited their muscles stiffen and they collapse. After a few minutes you will find them jumping and running as if nothing had happened. It is quite amusing to see a group of fainting goats falling down together by deliberately exciting them.
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jesus8508
08-09-2010, 07:53 PM
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.

What do you call a goat with a beard?
It is goatee!

Why is it hard to carryon a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.

What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.

What do you call a goat at sea?
Billy Ocean.

aaggatsha55
08-11-2010, 01:21 AM
A truck is driving through a rural area. A film reel falls from the back of the truck. Later, two goats find the film reel and start nibbling it. The one goat turns to the other and asks How are you liking it? The other goat replies Its okay, but I liked the book better.

ben6418
11-02-2010, 02:36 AM
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'
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zwendy5755
12-15-2010, 11:53 PM
where is the forum rules?Anybody can tell me?












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benot6418
01-04-2011, 09:23 AM
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'
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Tishawn45
01-06-2011, 10:13 PM
A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."



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DrSmaili
02-28-2011, 05:34 PM
There were 3 guys walking in the woods and they came across this huge hole in the path.

The 1st guy says "Lets throw some rocks in the hole and see how deep it is." So thats what they did only they didn't hear it hit bottom.

So the 2nd guy says "I saw a log back there lets get that and throw that in." So thats what they did.

Then this old farmer comes walking up and says "Have you seen my goat go by here?"

The 3rd guy replies "We saw one jump down in that hole."

The farmer replies "That couldn't have been my goat. He was tied to a log."



This is a good one! I'm glad I found this part of the forum. I can't contribute at the moment though. Keep posting guys and make someone smile!

andrewmartin9
03-19-2011, 02:25 AM
Did you hear about the snail that got beat up by two turtles?
At the police station they asked him, Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this? He said, No, it all happened so fast.

gizmo3653
03-21-2011, 10:06 PM
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'
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zedservices
06-10-2011, 05:37 AM
these have cheered me up. and gave me some jokes to tell at the pub tonight...nice one!!